| Nicolas Cage | |
|---|---|
 "I AM THE KING!" | |
|
Name |
Nicolas Cage |
|
Real Name |
Nicolas Kim Coppola |
|
Age |
48 |
|
Role |
Lead Singer, Frontman, Publicity Icon |
|
Instruments Played |
Vocals, Guitar |
|
Active Since |
1980 |
Nicolas Cage (and his Infinite Wisdom) also know as "Nic Cage" or "CAAAGGGGGGEEEEEEEE!!!" is a Oscar-winning Hollywood actor, superhero, male model and recently appointed lead singer of the experimental 'musician' collective The Dicklick Brigade.
About[]
Nic Cage in a robe... and nothing else.
Nicolas Cage is on another fucking level, guys.
Cage is famous for delivering a comprehensive masterclass in Nouveau Shamanic™ acting and being one of the GOAT actors of all times - basically he's fucking Nic Cage. Love him or hate him there's certainly never a dull moment.
The hardest part about summarising Cage in one mere wiki article is having to miss out so many of his best scenes that don't involve dialogue, just odd noises and physical gestures. Not to mention his vigilante superhero work, modelling career, comprehensive criminal record and insanity-mode psychological profile.
Career[]
Origin Story: Every CAGE has one[]
... but do they need one?
You're my National Treasure.
The Hollywood Years: YOU CAGED MY HEART[]
A full summary of Nic Cage's Hollywood career as of 2012: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EUiHEv5occ
In what has come to be known as "The CAGE Glory Years" of 1995-1998, a run starting with "Leaving Las Vegas" and ending with "Snake Eyes" Cage captured the hearts and minds of people everywhere with his captivating performances and dashing good looks.
Fuck it, "Gone In 60 Seconds" was pretty decent too.
The Con/Off II: Spirit Of Secrets in CAGE Vegas[]
EX-PLO-SHI-OHNN
September 2012. Cage was looking for a new challenge. Mere 'acting' was not enough for him anymore and his ego could not be contained by being a vigilante superhero, model and actor: he wanted the rock n' roll lifestyle of The DLB and damned if he wasn't going to get it.
Under the cover of darkness. Cage stormed the grounds of Geoff Mangum's Switzerland mountain fortress: killing dozens of security guards with dual wielded pistols in the most atrocious wig known to man whilst yelling "FUCK!" and line-dancing. Eventually he made it to the roof and made an epic entrance by zip-lining in through the glass-roof-windows of Mangum's bedroom. Cage crashed in, demanding the attention of the famed and mysterious founder of the best motherfucking band known to exist, he also demanded that everyone in the vicinity still alive "put.the.bunneh.down!" while screaming with maniac eyes and diving around the room as if on fire. "HOW'D IT GET BURNED????". Mangum wasn't home this weekend.
Realizing that the search wasn't over, Cage tracked Mangum to a small town in Venezuela where Geoff had apparently spent the last several weeks researching marijuana, cry-wanking and writing new material for the upcoming 51st album of the DLB.
Cage sped and jumped his motorcyle through the window of the Venezuelan US embassy from a huge explosion in one of the most fantastic shirts ever seen (who says snake print can't be cool?) and demanded Mangum and some tequila. It was a trap however and nordic hitman Varg Vikernes blew up the motorcycle with an RPG (Cage slo-mo dived out of the way) before capturing his foe as a prize to sacrifice to his golf-buddy, DLB colleague and the lord of the underworld: Dan Deakin.
After escaping Varg Vikernes' devious and hellish fire-trap that was filled with bees (that were also on fire), Cage continued his mission: to FIND GEOFF MANGUM AND JOIN THE DLB.
The global rampage had Cage cross paths with the CIA, Tom Cruise and Batman numerous times but he managed to escape them and keep his cool. Although he temporarily swapped faces with John Travolta for a few hours for reals. Then he discovered a nationally guarded secret about The DLB on the back of an old denny's napkin: "it's a potato headed lady, not a drum" there were also secret coded co-ordinates to one of Mangum's secret hidden lairs in Montana, USA. Convinced he was a vampire, Cage stayed in the shadows the whole way there.
3 days later, Cage was stopped at US security checkpoint at LAX airport for sprinting up the down escalators ("WHAT, YOU GONNA ARREST ME?! PUT ME IN AIRPORT JAIL?!!!") Cage was forced to dive out of a nearby window and steal a police car but he got away and acquired an even more amazing pattern shirt.
Later that day, Mangum called Cage on his cellphone and was like "hey bro, wanna join my band?, I hear you want in lol". Cage reluctantly accepted. It was over... for now: he was in The DLB. "Everything's cool."
Selective Filmography[]
- Con Air (1997)
- Face / Off (1997)
- National Treasure (2004)
Dicklick Brigade Contributions[]
Nic Cage is a blondie bear.
Cage joined The DLB with their 52nd album in an explosive tour-de-force of promotion, ferocious and amazing singing (compared to Sinatra, mixed with MCA, Eddie Vedder and Adam West).
He has also been known to play acoustic guitar on cold winter nights.
See: Discography
Notes[]
- His Infinite Wisdom knows no bounds.